So, based on 10 years’ experience supporting people in the workplace, my own personal journey to create the life I want and helping my coaching clients to make positive changes in their lives... ...here are the top 3 things I’ve learned about decision making (the really important decisions, not the “shall I nip down the shops or have another brew” type ones!)… |
Number 1: Know what your values are
Figure out what’s at the heart of you. What are your deeply held beliefs about what's important, your highest priorities, and the fundamental forces that drive who you are and what you do?
Try sitting down with paper and a pen (I like using post-it notes and a lot of coloured pens – but that’s just me). Note down key words that describe the things that are most important to you. These could be things like: authenticity, connectedness, freedom, creativity, service etc. (Ok I admit it – these are my values!).
If you’re coming up with things or people (i.e. my car or my career), what is it about these things that’s important to you? For a car, it might be freedom or prestige. For a job, it might be financial security or challenge.
I can email you a list of Value Words that will help to get you thinking but it’s really important that these words come from you – they’re your values!
Drop me an email at bronwyn@magicroundaboutcoaching.co.uk if you’d like this list.
When you’ve got your list, identify the top 10 values. You’ll find some of them can be grouped under one key word. (For example in my list of values, Authenticity also represents Honesty and Integrity so I don’t need to list them all individually).
Now get it down to the top 5 (go with your gut instinct here and don’t forget to group similar or connected things together under one word), and put them into priority order. A great way to do this is by taking 2 values (for example: freedom and connectedness) and asking yourself, “if I could have freedom, but not connectedness OR I could have connectedness but not freedom, which would I pick?” Keep doing this with pairs of values until they are in priority order. The post-it notes are useful here because you can keep moving them around.
So now you have a list of your top 5 values and (as well as understanding yourself better than you did 10 minutes ago), now every time you have an important decision to make, you can test the options against your values list and see which option is going to best serve you and who you are!
Figure out what’s at the heart of you. What are your deeply held beliefs about what's important, your highest priorities, and the fundamental forces that drive who you are and what you do?
Try sitting down with paper and a pen (I like using post-it notes and a lot of coloured pens – but that’s just me). Note down key words that describe the things that are most important to you. These could be things like: authenticity, connectedness, freedom, creativity, service etc. (Ok I admit it – these are my values!).
If you’re coming up with things or people (i.e. my car or my career), what is it about these things that’s important to you? For a car, it might be freedom or prestige. For a job, it might be financial security or challenge.
I can email you a list of Value Words that will help to get you thinking but it’s really important that these words come from you – they’re your values!
Drop me an email at bronwyn@magicroundaboutcoaching.co.uk if you’d like this list.
When you’ve got your list, identify the top 10 values. You’ll find some of them can be grouped under one key word. (For example in my list of values, Authenticity also represents Honesty and Integrity so I don’t need to list them all individually).
Now get it down to the top 5 (go with your gut instinct here and don’t forget to group similar or connected things together under one word), and put them into priority order. A great way to do this is by taking 2 values (for example: freedom and connectedness) and asking yourself, “if I could have freedom, but not connectedness OR I could have connectedness but not freedom, which would I pick?” Keep doing this with pairs of values until they are in priority order. The post-it notes are useful here because you can keep moving them around.
So now you have a list of your top 5 values and (as well as understanding yourself better than you did 10 minutes ago), now every time you have an important decision to make, you can test the options against your values list and see which option is going to best serve you and who you are!
Number 2: Pay attention to “Should” vs “Want”
“Should” is a potentially dangerous thing that can lead us to do (and think and feel) all sorts of things that we don’t really want to and often make us unhappy, just because we feel we should (or shouldn’t). It has its place but can sometimes get too big for its boots!
“Should” is usually coming from an external source. Like the expectations of parents, colleagues, employer, family, society etc. Whereas “want” (not a dirty word!), comes from inside you.
Always listen out for “should” when you’re making an important decision. If you hear it, it’s a little alarm bell that you might be about to do something for someone else’s reasons! And it can be a great reminder to ask yourself this: “what do I want to do?”
Try looking back on all the big important decisions you have made in your life so far. Like what to study, what job to go for, where to live, who to be with, whether to take an opportunity or risk, or not. Which of these were based on “should” and which were based on “want”. Which ones worked out best and which ones did you regret or end up less happy with?
“Should” is a potentially dangerous thing that can lead us to do (and think and feel) all sorts of things that we don’t really want to and often make us unhappy, just because we feel we should (or shouldn’t). It has its place but can sometimes get too big for its boots!
“Should” is usually coming from an external source. Like the expectations of parents, colleagues, employer, family, society etc. Whereas “want” (not a dirty word!), comes from inside you.
Always listen out for “should” when you’re making an important decision. If you hear it, it’s a little alarm bell that you might be about to do something for someone else’s reasons! And it can be a great reminder to ask yourself this: “what do I want to do?”
Try looking back on all the big important decisions you have made in your life so far. Like what to study, what job to go for, where to live, who to be with, whether to take an opportunity or risk, or not. Which of these were based on “should” and which were based on “want”. Which ones worked out best and which ones did you regret or end up less happy with?
Number 3: The Rocking Chair test (Warning –this involves time travel!)
Imagine yourself in your old age, sitting in a rocking chair (or seat of your choice) and looking back at your life. Now I can pretty much guarantee that no-one in this situation ever looked back and said “wow, I really wish I’d spent more time at the office!”. Often the regrets we have are about relationships and opportunities.
So how would this future version of you feel about the decision you’re about to make? Changing the perspective can often get us unstuck from all the detail we’re struggling with in the present, and bring real clarity about what the most important things really are.
Imagine yourself in your old age, sitting in a rocking chair (or seat of your choice) and looking back at your life. Now I can pretty much guarantee that no-one in this situation ever looked back and said “wow, I really wish I’d spent more time at the office!”. Often the regrets we have are about relationships and opportunities.
So how would this future version of you feel about the decision you’re about to make? Changing the perspective can often get us unstuck from all the detail we’re struggling with in the present, and bring real clarity about what the most important things really are.
So there you have it! If you decide to try out any of these 3 tips, I’d love to know how you get on!
If you’d like me to email you the list of Values (from tip number 1), drop me a line at bronwyn@magicroundaboutcoaching.co.uk
Thanks for reading! If you've got some work-life balance challenges you'd like support with, I'd love to have a chat with you about how I can help! I offer free, no obligation introductory consultations, including a short "coaching taster" so you can see for yourself what it's all about.
If you’d like me to email you the list of Values (from tip number 1), drop me a line at bronwyn@magicroundaboutcoaching.co.uk
Thanks for reading! If you've got some work-life balance challenges you'd like support with, I'd love to have a chat with you about how I can help! I offer free, no obligation introductory consultations, including a short "coaching taster" so you can see for yourself what it's all about.